Cancer...

I was reminded this week of my need to live every day as if it may be my last. 

To be thankful for the blessings in my life and the breath I take as I rise each morning. 

To give love and share joy and spread compassion, and mercy, and peace as I move through my day. 

To be humble and forgiving and to stop wanting more.

To Be life-giving, adding to, not taking from, others.

You see, we are all here to inspire and live and give life as if we only have today to make a positive impact, because we are all dying, and the person you frowned at, yelled at, ignored, hung up on, disrespected, or disregarded, may not be here tomorrow.

My dear friend Laura (age 48) was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and it has now metastasized into her brain. She had a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, was declared cancer-free! But about a month later, she got a headache that just wouldn't go away. Now, she has been confronted with the worst news possible, yet she still remains amazingly positive in her outlook and encourages me to live for today. 

Laura recently wrote:

"Here is what the doctors have said: there is no cure at this point, whatever treatment we do now is administered as a means to extend my life by as much as possible. These tumors will continue to come back and will, most likely travel down my spinal column, at which point the prognosis is not good. We don't know when that will happen, could be months or could be years. The treatment we will start with is focal radiation (like I had in July that completely shrunk my tumor). The plan is to do 6 months of pill-form chemo and see if that keeps the tumors at bay. We may at some point decide to do Whole Brain radiation which will effect my quality of life dramatically.
However, here is what I know and place my hope in: God is bigger than this and knows the timing of my life. I believe that we all should live as if we are dying...I happen to know what it is that I am dying from but that doesn't change how I live, just the ferocity with which I live it. He is bigger, He is stronger, He gives me fresh oil for every day.
Today, love people! Not just the ones you love but also the unlovely ones and the ones you disagree with. Be generous and choose a smile today. Now go...do that...because you have today to do it!"

So I ask myself...

How are you living today?

Are you focused on your own happiness...  at the expense of others?

Are you giving?  or taking?

Contributing? or contaminating?

What impact are you making on others?

Did you apologize? forgive? or make things right?

What legacy will you leave?

How will you be remembered by those who knew you best?

It's not too late.... you have today.

A Change is Coming.....

I've been through a lot of changes this past year or two.....
My son went off to college and I realized I was suddenly living alone for the first time since 1991,
I decided to start dating, felt in love,  felt heartbreak,
thought about a career change.....or two, or just relocating,
declared I was tired of the gloomy Oregon winters, and made up my mind to try something new and leave as soon as we enjoyed one more great summer in Portland.

So.... I leased my house out for a year.
Sold most of my belongings.
Bought a Traverse.
Put a carrier on top and a bike rack on back.
Loaded it as full as I could.
Made room for Buddy (our golden retriever)
and left Portland....

I had an all day meeting with a client in Seattle on Thursday Aug 29th, and there was No Way that my house was going to be empty and clean and ready to leave. Therefore, I convinced my mom to come help me. She worked so hard, bless her heart! And, she also didn't want to say goodbye, so....

Mom drove to Seattle too, got stuck in a major rain storm and was sitting on I-5 between Olympia and Tacoma for 4 hours!

Friday we took a much-needed spa day together in Woodinville, which mom totally deserved after all she had done to help me!
















Saturday morning I packed and repacked some things in my car, looked a the map, loaded Buddy, then headed for Boise. My plan: to take my time and make it to Boston.






I quickly discovered that a grande, triple shot, 6 pump hazelnut latte could keep me going for 8 hours if I combined it with 3 Wellness Formula capsules, every 3 hours.  wow!  I was flying....

After a couple nights with my girlfriend in Boise, I headed for Colorado. Passed through Utah and into Wyoming. 

Bought a cowgirl hat at a truck stop. 

Filled the gas tank numerous times. 

Stayed a couple nights with more good friends in Denver, and headed to Kansas.








I knew I was in Kansas when I passed a hurricane/twister tracker mobile - Ha!











Stopped and ate dinner with my son in Lawrence (Buddy was so happy to see Landen and get out of the car), then I headed to my friend's house in Kansas City. She had the nicest gift bag waiting for me!

Having spent over $500 in gas, I decided to stay awhile in Kansas City.
Besides, I am a Jayhawk fan now and basketball season will begin soon....
For all my friends I planned to stay with between KC and Boston - don't lose hope, I may still head that way, but for now I am enjoying some Rock Chalk Choice Awards and time with my handsome son!

Finally....
Because I am 46 years old, believe I can do anything I want to do, and am not afraid of the word 'No',
I decided to walk into a couple local TV stations yesterday, pitch a few ideas, explain that I have no reel and no current broadcast experience.....but that I thought it would be great to use my University of Oregon Journalism degree, passion for sports, and creative ideas,  and do some special segments or learn to do courtside/sideline sports reporting!  I had some great brainstorming sessions and made some good connections, so...... we'll see what happens next. In the meantime, I will continue to do curriculum design and corporate training. But just wait...... my big break by still be out there - in the heartland of America.

Stay tuned!

For my girlfriends over 40...

What The Hell Is Happening To ME?!
My peri-menopausal truth (slightly exaggerated)
2012

Lately, I don't know what's going on.... my body is hot from the inside out. My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm "in heat".  And I’m going out of my freakin mind! What’s wrong with me?!

I only sleep about 4 hours a night. Sometimes I’m shivering and the rest of the time I’m burning up. When I wake up, I never know what to expect. In fact for 6 months I wrote down my first feelings every morning when I woke up, to track my mood. 

It was great.... I could consciously look at exactly how CraZy I was feeling. 

Better to be Aware… right? 

Well, one day I woke up feeling happy, confident and beautiful...ready to embrace the day. 

The next day I woke up completely pissed off, ready to throw the cat, kick the dog and cuss out my parents for ruining my life. 

The next day I woke up so horny I want to make a ‘booty-call’ but felt ticked-off because I don’t have “those kind” of relationships in my life. 

The next day I woke up ready to dive in and read the word… yes, the bible.... after all I do try to be a Godly woman who has great faith. The problem is that now-a-days my prayers are often filled with ridiculous pleas for a man, or the aching questions of “Why me God? Why are you letting this happen to me?” The next day I woke up and heard the birds singing before I ever opened my eyes... and I lay there thinking.... life is so good, I have the freedom to choose exactly how I want to live this day.     

    

You get the picture.

So, I went to my Naturopathic doctor who specializes in “The Change” and I explained that I was determined Not to lose my mind! He told me it was all normal and I could try some sort of natural progesterone cream made from wild yams. 

I did. 

It was like a sedative.
Every time I rub it on the inside of my wrists or thighs,
I exhale and realize this CAN be controlled. Ha! 

The problem is I ran out last week.

Then....I met a fine, single man. He met my incredibly narrow list of physical attractions – over 6’4”, thin, fit, handsome. This man was younger and wildly attracted to me from what I could tell. 

But....now.... I can guarantee that he will probably Never talk to a woman in her 40’s again! 

By yesterday I had successfully convinced him that I was legitimately CraZy! 

I liked him, then didn’t like him...wanted him, then didn’t want him...tried sexting…. HA! that was laughable...cried from embarrassment, begged him to spend time with me, then blasted him for not spending enough time. One day I preached to him about my morals and values then a couple hours later I would have done almost anything just to see him stand naked in front of me. 

Last night I sent him a 10 page text and ended it with something like:
I’m one out of control raging hormone - Do Not Contact Me!  

What The Hell is Wrong With Me?!

One minute I’m laughing... the next I'm crying.
One minute I want to make a baby and the next I can’t stand the thought of waking up to a crying child. 

I think I’m beautiful. I think I’m fat. 

I feel exhilarated. I feel exhausted. 

And it goes on and on and on.....  

I am a single, empty-nester. My child is raised and off to college. You’d think I would be relaxing every day with a clean home and plenty of time to see friends, travel, create, and welcome in Phase 2 of my life.

Don’t get me wrong here - I do welcome, with enthusiasm, the open door in front of me, and all the possibilities that the best is yet to come!  I am excited about life. Joyful. Hopeful. Happy (most of the time)  The problem is that my raging hormones have me convinced at least 50% of the time that I just want to drink and have sex like a wild woman. What is that?!  I wasn’t even that person in college!  And I’m the last person you’d expect to be that way now! I even considered the possibility of getting high the other day. What the **?!  I have never wanted to get high!
My God, I’m losing my mind!

I sat in church last week and listened to the pastor say it’s ok to tell the Devil to “Go to Hell” when we are feeling tempted. Well I’m telling my CraZy hormones to “Go to Hell”.  Instead of praying before bed last night, I just looked up at the ceiling and said out loud, “Is this some kind of ridiculous joke?”.

I had to laugh! 

Sadly, I now know why so many women in their 40’s are medicated...

Girlfriends, I know, you know exactly what I’m talking about! And if you don’t... trust me, you will soon enough.  We just never talk about this stuff because no woman in her right mind is willing to admit this exists…right?! 

Oh no, we want to hold our composure and act like nothing is wrong. Usually we don't even know we are in "The Change" except that suddenly we have no idea what the heck is happening to our body, our mind, our ability to function as a normal human being. Half the time I laugh at myself and the other half I’m so embarrassed by what I may have done 5 minutes ago that I just want to run and hide.

By the way, I didn't even used to cuss…. 

Do ya feel me?

Just remember.... that you are not alone. I’m convinced that every peri-menopausal woman is on the verge of CraZy now and then!  

In fact, Dr. Oz did a show on peri-menopausal rage.  

I learned that Peri-menopause is the time period shortly before a woman begins to experience full menopause. Typically it occurs between the ages of 35 to 55 when a woman is still having her period, although perhaps not as frequently or as long as previously. In fact, this is a time when a woman may first begin to feel that something is "not quite right” about her body as she begins to sense hormonal changes coursing through her veins. 

Ya think? .....

It was described and PMS while on Angel Dust.  Ha!

But I have to laugh and say, “Stay conscious girlfriends! Don't lose faith! You're Not losing your mind. Embrace your temporary peri-menopausal CraZy and try to Stay Sane!      

This too shall pass! ….right?”